Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

My New Car...

I was in Denver for work this week and since I arrived on a plane I obviously needed a car to get me around when I was in town for three days. Rent a a car, right? Of course not, I just bought one while I was out there and drove it around for a couple days. I had to take a flight home though, so, the car had to stay in Denver. I guess I'll just never be able to use it again. Well, maybe I will use it if I ever go back to Denver, but chances are that it will stay in the exact same spot where I left it when I was done using it. Sure, it was a really nice car and I did need it when I was there, but it did cost a lot of money. Now that I think about it, I probably could have rented a car out there and saved a lot of money. Not just a lot of money, but a LARGE amount of money. In fact, I bet that I could have rented a car for less than 1% of what it cost me to buy that car. However, if I rented a car then I would never have 'my new car' just sitting there taking up space waiting for me just in the event that I decide to go back to Denver.

That story sounds pretty dumb..............but I'm sure it would sound smart if I changed "car" to "wedding dress" and changed "trip to Denver" to "wedding".............or would it?

Evites should be the answer...

Can you please send me the number of the person who sets the standards for wedding invitations? Wedding invitations are ridiculous these days. The amount of paper that is used just to pass along the simplest information is unbelievable. You send a "save the date" card. Then you send a small package that has the actual invitation. Oh, and inside that small package is another envelope that the person has to send back to you letting you know if they will be coming. There also has to be separate cards inside the small package that invites guests to the ceremony and to the reception. Not to mention the separate invitations that need to be sent to people who need to attend the rehearsal dinner. Hmmmmm, there must be a better way. Thank goodness for the smart folks that created Evite. Why not just send all of your guests an Evite. Evites are free. Not only do you not have to pay for mountains of paper, you don't even have to buy stamps. I hate the post office. The best part about an Evite is that you (and your guests) can monitor the RSVP list. Wouldn't it help to know if that girl you want to hook up with is bringing a date. How about being able to tell how many single ladies will be in attendance. These are crucial facts that can determine your entire strategy for the evening. Should I pregame really hard and risk passing out early, or should i keep it under control so i can mingle with the young single lady guests? Will there be enough people there for it to go unnoticed if i sneak away with a bridesmaid? Is there going to be so many single guys there that I might as well not go because it will be a sword fight? Life is all about preparation and "knowing is half the battle."

Friday, August 8, 2008

The favors that blew up in our face...literally!

I like to think that I have a flare for the creative and unique. So, the challenge of coming up with a wedding favor was a personal ambition. I couldn't do something too 'main stream', nor could I get swept away with high costs. Therefore, I needed to combine my creativity and resources to create the most memorable favor anyone had seen....and you can certainly say that I did just that.

The idea progressed over a series of months. First it started with a clear glass bottle, similar to a soda bottle. Second, I purchased some red bottle caps. I could see the idea taking shape, but whatever was I going to fill this bottle with?? Wracking my brain, it hit me...bath salt!!

After a few online vendors quoted me HIGH prices for their bath salt, I hit the web. After an hour of googling, I discovered some home made bath salt recipes. This avenue provided me the customization of colors, fragrances, ect....it was going to be perfect! The recipe was simple, one part Epsom salt, scented oil, color dye, and the optional baking soda (for extra softness to the skin). Oh...and I was going to go all out, no expenses spared, throw in all of the ingredients!

So, after a few weeks of brewing in the kitchen, and my mixer on full blast for hours the salt was done! I added the custom labels to my bottles and I was ready for production. With the assistance of my bridesmaids (and a few bottles of wine), we were off. My girls did such a great job...they even filled them to the very top. Then, put their finishing touches of the shiny red bottle cap pressed firmly down on the bottle. They were a piece of art! Now, all I had to do was wait for the wedding to unveil my creation!

The wedding came and went in a flash (as it always does). My guests grabbed their bottles before our big exit, and they were a hit!

(early warning sign) A few days after we returned from the honeymoon, my husband was at the computer when he heard a loud 'BANG'! He rushed into the living room, where the extra bottles were being stored, and noticed that one had exploded!! The cap had blown off and salt was all over the room. Taken back by the surprise he called me with the story. After a few short minutes of problem solving....Mr. Wizard and Bill Nye realized the mistake. I had put OIL, SALT, and BAKING SODA, in an AIR TIGHT COMPRESSED BOTTLE!! Anyone that has had 3rd grade science knows that this can not be a good combination.

(Bottles go flying) It was not long at all before I started receiving frantic calls about exploding bottles! Friends, family, co-workers were all calling with stories about their exploding favors. Some of them were panicked, others thought it was funny, and others were complaining about the damage that I had caused in their homes. I can just imagine my favors blowing up all across town, ravaging homes, and hurting innocent people. Just as any manufacturer would, I issued a recall. I sent out NUMEROUS emails warning my guests about the dangers of their 'mementos'. I provided instructions on how to handle the favors, how to remove the pressure, dispose of the bottles, ect. It was quite the ordeal for several weeks as I lived in fear that I may have blown out a loved ones eye or killed a pet hamster.

Slowly as weeks passed, the calls were coming in less frequent (Thank God, or I was going to have to buy a hot line #). I got clean bills of health from my guests, and all seemed to be forgotten. I made sure that my husband took care of our remaining left overs, to which he almost went blind from the salt blowing in his face. Thankfully, we do still have a small memento of a turquoise blue dent lingering in our ceiling from the ordeal.


(These pictures were provided from my photographers; Scott and Tem Photography, after the bottles blew up in their home.)